正常人

• 忍辱仙人

  2020-08-21
  某种东西向她袭来,她不知道究竟是什么。它让她想起在瑞典时的感受,一种虚无感,仿佛她的体内没有生命。她痛恨如今的自己,却无力改变。就连康奈尔都觉得她恶心了,她已经超出了他能容忍的底线。中学时他们住在同一个地方,都感到彷徨,都在因某种原因而挣扎,自那以后她一直认为,如果他们能一起回到那个地方,那么一切就会和从前一样。如今她明白,在中间这些年里,康奈尔一直在慢慢适应这个世界,过程稳定,哪怕有时会让他痛苦,而她却在不断退化,越来越不健全,最后堕落到面目全非，以至他们之间不再有任何相似之处。
• 忍辱仙人

  2020-08-20
  我不知道我哪里有问题，玛丽安说，我不知道我为什么不能像正常人一样。 她的声音听起来莫名地冷静和遥远，仿佛这是一段她去世或离开后播放的录音。 怎么不一样？他问。 我不知道我为什么不能让别人爱我。我觉得我天生就有问题。
• 花卷卷死

  2021-04-13
  Overhead trees wave silvery individual leaves in silence.
• 忍辱仙人

  2020-08-21
  他向她伸出手来，她不假思索地把手递给他。他握了一会儿她的手，用大拇指摩着她的指关节。然后他把她的手举到嘴边，亲了一下。她感受到他对她的掌控力令人悦地压在她身上，感受到她渴望取他的忘我欲。好舒服，她说。他点点头。她感到体内涌起一股疼的快感，分布在她的盆骨和背部。
• 忍辱仙人

  2020-08-21
  你觉得我们要是从没在一起过会更好吗？她问。我不知道。对我来说，这样的人生很难想象。好比说，我不知道当初要是没跟你在一起，我会去哪所大学，我现在会在哪儿。她停下来，让这个念头在脑海中滚动，手平雄在腹部上。 因为喜欢一个人而作出某些决定真的很奇，他说，之后你整个人生都变了。我觉得我们现在这个年纪很奇怪，人生会因为很小的决定而发生很大的变化。但整体来说你带给我的都是很好的影响，我现在肯定比从前有进步了，我觉得。多亏了你。 她在原地呼吸。她的眼烧得慌，但她没有拿手去摸它们。 我们大一在一起时，你孤独吗？她问。 不孤独。你呢？ 我也不。我有时很沮丧，但不孤独。跟你在一起时我从没感到孤独。 是啊，他说，说实话，那会儿算得上我人生中最完美的一段时光。我觉得在那之前我从没有真正快乐过。
• 林中的沙发

  2023-12-25
  如今，每当她想起圣诞假日，她就想起卡里克里，想起主街上挂起灯，凯莱赫酒馆橱窗里发光的塑料圣诞老人僵硬地挥舞着逼真的上臂，反复招手示意。镇上药房里挂着锡纸剪的雪花。肉店的门开了又关，街角传来呼唤。夜里的教堂停车场上，呼出的气在雾里升起。傍晚的福克斯菲尔德，房子安静得像熟睡的猫窗户明亮。康奈尔家前厅的圣诞树，浑身竖着金箔装饰，家具挤在一起腾出空间，大家的笑声高昂欢欣。他说要是见不到她，他会很遗憾的。没了你就不一样了，他写道。这话让她觉得自己很蠢，想哭。她的人生现在是如此苍白，再也没有美感了。
• 蝉蝉

  2020-06-08
  For weeks now she has had this feeling, the feeling of moving around inside a protective film floating like mercury. The outside world touches against her outside skin, but not the other part of herself, inside.
• 蝉蝉

  2020-06-08
  He had thought that being with her would make him feel less lonely, but it only gave his loneliness a new stubborn quality,like it was planted down inside him and impossible to kill.
• [已注销]

  2019-05-08
  He was like a freezer item that had thawed too quickly on the outside and was melting everywhere, while the inside was still frozen solid. Somehow he was expressing more emotion than at any time in his life before, while simultaneously feeling less, feeling nothing.He knows that a lot of the literary people in college see books primarily as a way of appearing cultured. When someone mentioned the austerity protests that night in the Stag’s Head, Sadie threw her hands up and said: Not politics, please! Connell’s initial assessment of the reading was not disproven. It was culture as class performance, literature fetishised for its ability to take educated people on false emotional journeys, so that they might afterwards feel superior to the uneducated people whose emotional journeys they lik...
• [已注销]

  2019-05-08
  Connell thinks the aspects of himself that are most compatible with Helen are his best aspects: his loyalty, his basically practical outlook, his desire to be thought of as a good guy. With Helen he doesn’t feel shameful things, he doesn’t find himself saying weird stuff during sex, he doesn’t have that persistent sensation that he belongs nowhere, that he never will belong anywhere. Marianne had a wildness that got into him for a while and made him feel that he was like her, that they had the same unnameable spiritual injury, and that neither of them could ever fit into the world. But he was never damaged like she was. She just made him feel that way.What they had together was normal, a good relationship. The life they were living was the right life. He took the bag off her shoulder and ...
• [已注销]

  2019-05-08
  Everything is possible now because of the scholarship. His rent is paid, his tuition is covered, he has a free meal every day in college. This is why he’s been able to spend half the summer travelling around Europe, disseminating currency with the carefree attitude of a rich person. He’s explained it, or tried to explain it, in his emails to Marianne. For her the scholarship was a self-esteem boost, a happy confirmation of what she has always believed about herself anyway: that she’s special. Connell has never really known whether to believe that about himself, and he still doesn’t know. For him the scholarship is a gigantic material fact, like a vast cruise ship that has sailed into view out of nowhere, and suddenly he can do a postgraduate programme for free if he wants to, and live in D...
• [已注销]

  2019-05-08
  Helen has given Connell a new way to live. It’s as if an impossibly heavy lid has been lifted off his emotional life and suddenly he can breathe fresh air. It is physically possible to type and send a message reading: I love you! It had never seemed possible before, not remotely, but in fact it’s easy. Of course if someone saw the messages he would be embarrassed, but he knows now that this is a normal kind of embarrassment, an almost protective impulse towards a particularly good part of life.In the weeks they’ve been apart, his emails to Marianne have become lengthy. He’s started drafting them on his phone in idle moments, while waiting for his clothes in a launderette, or lying in the hostel at night when he can’t sleep for the heat. He reads over these drafts repeatedly, reviewing all...
• [已注销]

  2019-05-08
  In just a few weeks’ time Marianne will live with different people, and life will be different. But she herself will not be different. She’ll be the same person, trapped inside her own body. There’s nowhere she can go that would free her from this. A different place, different people, what does that matter?In seminars they express their opinions passionately and conduct impromptu debates. Unable to form such straightforward views or express them with any force, Connell initially felt a sense of crushing inferiority to his fellow students, as if he had upgraded himself accidentally to an intellectual level far above his own, where he had to strain to make sense of the most basic premises.
• 忍辱仙人

  2020-08-21
  她很小声地说：我看不出你想要什么。 他站起身，来到她面前。她像一只受驯的动物，一动不动地站着，每一根神经都得竖起来。她好大声哭出来。他把双手放在她的髖上，她张着嘴，等他亲了上去。这种感觉太强烈了，她感到眩晕。我好想要你这样，她说。很高兴听你这么说。我把电视关了行吗？她爬上床，等他把电视关掉。他在她身边坐下，他们再次开始接吻。他的抚摸有催眠效果。一种舒适的钝感席卷了她，她渴望把衣脱光。她在被子上躺下，他伏在她身上。一晃好多年了。她感到他的阴茎紧紧地抵在她的上，她的欲望强烈得让她颤栗。 嗯，他说，我很想你。 别人做不是这种感觉。 别人远没有我喜欢你。 他又吻了她一次，她感觉到他的手在她身上移动。她就像一个他可以伸手进入的深渊，一个他可以填充的空洞。她不假思地开始脱衣服，与此同时听见他解皮带的声音。时间是如此伸缩自如，仿佛在声音和动作之下延展。她面朝下趴在床上，脸理在床垫里，他抚摸着她的大腿后。她的身体不过是一件财产，它一直被四处转让，被人以各方式胡乱使用，然而它似乎从来都属于他，现在她觉得自己终于物归原主。
• 忍辱仙人

  2020-08-21
  她闭上双眼。他或许不会再回来了，她心想，或许他会回来，却变成另外一个人。他们现在拥有的将一去不复返。然而对她而言，孤独的痛苦远比不上她曾经的痛苦，那种觉得自己一文不值的痛苦。他将美德给了她，现在它是她的东西了。与此同时，他的人生在他面前展开，通往四面八方。他们为此做了很多好事。真的，她心想，真的。一个人真的可以改变另一个人。
• 祝羽捷

  2020-07-22
  如果人们悲伤时会做一些没有意义的事，那只是因为人的生命没有任何意义，这才是悲伤呈现出的真相。